While Hollywood actress Jodie Foster claims she came out in the Stone Age a thousand years ago, the fact that she chose no less a forum than the Golden Globe Awards to refer to her lesbian status, should hold out hope to many women who remain closeted out of fear of being judged and ostracized. In Bangalore, the Gay Pride marches have afforded the LGBT community visibility and column space besides garnering much-needed awareness about alternate sexualities. Many gay men, who'd previously turn up for these marches wearing face masks, have abandoned their masks now that they no longer feel the need to hide their sexual orientation or status. However, for women in the same-sex space, coming out is still a far away reality, battling as they do constant pressure from family and society.
Says Akkai, a gender minority and human rights activist, "When it comes to lesbians, the fact that sexual feelings and orientations stem from the heart is seldom acknowledged. The few who dared to talk about their sexuality have had to put up with a lot of prejudice. Though we still live in a world where heterosexuality is considered the normal sexual orientation and everything else is viewed as an aberration, I must say that lesbians have it the hardest. There's far more awareness and acceptance when it comes to male homosexuals and transgender."
However, sounding a note of optimism, she adds, "Karnataka is among the more progressive states where sexual minorities are concerned. As a human rights activist and transgender, I am proud that following the Supreme Court's judgement decriminalizing homosexuality, Karnataka has taken a very proactive stance towards the LGBT community."
The main reason why females get a raw deal is because there's no space for female sexuality in our cultural and social spaces, says Sumathi M, who's been working for the cause of people with alternate sexualities. "Female sexuality has always has always been under the control of men. It has never been seen as a matter of a woman's right and her sole prerogative, appended as it is to aspects of reproduction, morality and the society we live in. A woman's sexuality is basically to cater to a man's sexual needs," she says.
Jyoti (name changed), a female-to-male transgender, shares that not many eyebrows are raised when people learn of his sexuality and love interest, but society is still very unforgiving of lesbians. "Lesbian love is mostly an underground affair," he says.
"When it comes to women in relationship with women, they tend to put us women in a box," says Uma (name changed), who's been in a same-sex relationship for more than a decade. "Apart from the curb on our sexual freedom, we also become victims of domestic violence. Men who are homosexuals and have come out have a lot more freedom and much less to fear. It's tough for us to come out. I've been in a partnership for a few years, but it's a love that dare not speak its name," she says.
NGOs are doing a lot of work with transgender, and they are slowly being mainstreamed. But social acceptance is still a long way away for us. We carry on our relationship underground or go through a sham marriage and end up frustrated. I do not come from a very economically well-off family, so the first thing they said when I came out was to stop my education. They thought I'd be up to some problems if I continued interacting with girls in my school. I am scared that if more people knew about my sexual orientation or if I ever do decide to come out, my partner and I may be taunted, jeered and leered at," says Uma.
Not seeing any reason why indeed should lesbians have to come out, Sumathi asks, "Why are we talking of coming out? Where is there a need to come out? Do heterosexuals need to declare their sexuality and orientation? Sexuality belongs to one's personal and private space. What is more important is to create an encouraging social environment where two people can enjoy their sexual freedoms without censure or moral policing. We should not look at superficial changes. We need to promote substantive equality. We have to openly talk of sexuality, and the politics that drives it. We have to tell people and make them aware that female sexuality is not what they've assumed it is. It has to be let loose from its patriarchal settings. When I went to the slums that were razed recently, the people realized that ours was an unconventional partnership. All they said was, 'we've heard about this, and now we are seeing one.' Apart from that, they formed no judgments, or passed any insensitive remark. That's the kind of freedom we should be looking at. Where you are just free to be," she elaborates.
Ask Uma if she's optimistic that things will change for lesbians, she says, "We know we're in this state only because of male domination. We are gents kaa property. Right now there's no place in the rainbow for us, but, yes, the fact that you are talking about our issues means that sometime in the future we will be allowed to live peacefully with our sexuality."
Celebrity lesbians
- Ellen Degeneres
- Martina Navratilova
- Lindsay Lohan
- Queen Latifah
- KD Lang
- Cynthia Nixon
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