It's not easy being mom. It's even tougher playing nurturer to an exam-battling child, is what a group of 18 mothers who had gathered at a seminar held in the city last week, learnt.
"You have to tread the tight rope of being concerned but not pushy, so that if your child needs help, he feels comfortable enough to ask you," said counsellor Bansi Mehta, who was helming the session with colleague Lisha Chedda of Tete-atete Counselling Services.
"What do you do if the child is over confident?" asked the mother of a Std V boy, striking a chord with the others, some of whom nodded empathetically. "Well," said Mehta, "if you have raised your child to be independent, sometimes, you'll have to let him judge his exam preparedness and take responsibility for his actions."
Mehta and Chedda charted out a four-point plan to help parents develop a system that can help kids study better for exams and in the classroom.
It's all about teamwork
Chart out a study time table for your child. It's the oldest trick in the book, and it works. But, instead of deciding what your child must study and when, get him/her to figure. This will help you understand the subjects they are interested in, and the ones that need working on.
Keep it flexible. If your kid studies a little less one day, he mustn't feel the heat the next day. There's always room to catch up. For instance, let him start the day's studying with something he considers easy. That'll up his confidence, and help him acquire mental strength to tackle the tougher subjects. The day could end with the most difficult subject.
Clear the clutter
The spot where he studies needs to allow him privacy. Does he have a desk, corner or room to himself? Where does he study best? Does the desk face a wall or a play area? Are there pictures or posters plastered in front of the desk? Make a survey of these 'distractions' and clear them. The study space should have enough light and air. Replace tungsten lights with fluorescent tubes; they make reading easy.
Figure tools of grasping
To help the child understand a concept rather than memorise it, is the best way to ensure he retains what he has learnt. Every kid has a different method of grasping a concept. For some, simple reading works while others find audio-visual presentation helpful. Figure what works for your child and incorporate that in the learning process. "In fact," said Mehta, "role playing is a good form of revising. Ask your child to explain to you what he/she has learnt so that you can gauge his understanding of the concept." This method should be especially used while tackling subjects the child is weak in.
Motivate them
While the pre-exam phase is as stressful for you, it's worse for your child. He is not only grappling with internalising an information overload, but also trying to outdo his peers. Make sure you communicate your support to him. Try not to nag or shout; it will only up his anxiety.
Set goals. For instance, if your child is scoring 65 per cent, set a target of 70 per cent. It's achievable, and succeeding at it will help boost his confidence. Before the exam, get your child to sit quietly, shut his eyes and breathe. Ask him to visualise himself going to the examination room and writing his paper without any glitches. It's a simple mental exercise that will help him calm down.
Answers moms look for:
My child grumbled about the workload from school and tuition class
Try telling them that while the workload may not be fair, grumbling isn't going to lessen the work. Help them tackle it. The larger picture may be bogging them down; break up the tasks piece by piece. Help them manage their time. Figure what time they can use to finish the day's homework. It could be within breaks at school, so that they can relax once they are back home.
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